I write this blog so humbled. I have so much grief on my heart right now.

So , last night at discipleship, we had a study on James. We did an activity where we read James 4 and 5 and then wrote a reply as if your best friend was the one who had written it to you. After we has written our responses, we all got back together and discussed what things really hit us hard. For me it was verses 1- 6 of chapter 5 that really struck me.

" Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. You gold and silver have corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workman who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self- indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the days of slaughter. You have condemned and murdered innocent men who were not opposing you."

In America, I never thought I was rich. There were always people who were a lot wealthier than me. My friends, people at my school, people at my church. People always had trendier clothes, purses, shoes, cars, phones, etc. I was always looking at what they had in awe. I wondered why I couldn't have things like that. I felt my car wasn't cool or nice enough. I felt my clothes weren't trendy and expensive enough. But the Lord showed me how stupid I have been thinking. I need to realize that I'm not just in J-Bay to go shopping and buy coffee and food. I didn't raise $10,000 to be here, living the good life. Only 5% of people in the world own their own computer. I am part of that 5 percent. Only 2% of people own their own car. I am part of that 2 percent. Only 2% of the people in the world make more than 2 dollars a day. I am part of that 2 percent. It is disgusting how rich I am and how I depend on money. I have lived such a blessed life. Kids over here don't even have any concept of my life. I feel so stupid for not realizing how amazingly blessed I am. I am one of the richest people in the world and how do I use my money? For myself. I literally feel sick to my stomach that I live in such a selfish community and country, that society is so self-absorbed. I'm so frustrated with myself because I feel that when I get back home that I will just got back to selfishness. I pray that God can take away my guilt and forgive me. This trip has already been a huge eye opening experience for me. It seems that everyday I learn something that I have never realized. I am so blessed to be here and I pray that I can continue learning and growing closer to God. God, you are so RAD!!!